The emotions behind the mask
by Soulreciever
Summary: Yamato realises a few things about Tai that he never realy concidered. Tito. p.s after much prompting I have droped the raiting, still high incase I drop into mild bad lang.
1. the mask

The mask.  
  
Warning: this fic contains a boy+ boy relationship and much Sora bashing.  
  
Tash: hello, I'm the writer of this fic and this is the disclaimer bit, I don't own Digi, you'd know if I did because Sora would have remained in the cave of darkness and 02 would be about Mat and Tai getting together. As you can gather I'm not awful fond of Sora, as to why, to save time lets just assume I'm shallow and I hate her 'cus she gets with Mat.  
  
Mat: Oh so you're finally writing this then. Hi I'm Yamato Ishida, Tash apologises in advance if she accidentally slips into using the dub names but she's only just learned that we have proper names. She also wishes to point out that she may write me a little bit out of character because she loves me when I have angst. Errors of spelling or punctuation are due to a complete lack of respect for the English language.  
  
Tash: Yes thank you Yama. Ages are as followed  
  
Mat=18  
  
Tai=18  
  
T.K=12  
  
Kari=12  
  
Joe=20  
  
Izzy=17  
  
Ken=12  
  
Davis=12  
  
Yolie=12  
  
Cody=9  
  
Sora=18  
  
Mimi=18  
  
^ indicates thought and things and phone covos will have a @ before they start.  
  
~ Indicates flashback and # indicates the end of the flashback. On with the fic…  
  
*  
  
My name is Yamato Ishida and the last four years of my life have been a lie. Hey who am I kidding my whole life's been a lie since the divorce. I thought nothing would ever break my parents up they were so in love, then one day something snapped. I was to young at the time to really understand what was going on, dad just told me that we were going on a trip and that I wasn't going to be living with mum any more. That day tore my heart into a thousand pieces because it pulled me away from my little brother Takeru. It really hurt to be away from him but I never really knew how much until I was a little older. Four years ago Takeru and me got sucked into the digital world with five other kids. That's where I first met Taichi Kamiya my supposed `best friend`. I guess even back then I saw something in him that I'd never seen in anyone else, a willingness to except everyone for who they are. I guess it was my desire to impress him that made me hide away from myself, made me cover away years of hurt with a new improved me. I hated it when he'd read into things more than I wanted, because I felt like he could see through the lie into my battered and bruised psyche. The first time he did it was the day that Gabumon digivolved.  
  
~ "Do you guy's even live in the same house?"  
  
"Not any more, our folks split up ages ago so we don't see much of each other."*  
  
"That explains a lot."# Those words hurt me, I mean Tai made it sound like I was being real jerky to Takeru when I was trying my best. I ran away from his insight that time but the next time he wouldn't let me. Devimon had split us up and I was sick with worry for Takeru, I let Gabumon see that worry because as my digimon it was his right. Tai found his way to us with the help of a weird looking digimon that I dubbed frosty the snowmon. The second Tai turned up I hid away my worry, but he saw that I was concerned about something. I tried to run away but the bastard rugby tackled me to the floor. I couldn't let him see past my front so I got angry. It's not that I wanted to punch Tai specifically, I just wanted to punch something and he was right there. Any way by the time I'd dredged up all my anger I was too tired to hide away, so I cried. God that was embarrassing. I cried because I was being so fucking stupid, I cried because I missed my brother but most of all I cried because tai knew me, really knew me and was still there being my friend.  
  
I wish I could say that after such an interesting experience I gave up pretending and allowed everyone to see what I was feeling but I didn't. I don't know why I didn't. I suppose I thought that they'd think I was being skittish, changing my personality to try to make me look better and I didn't want that, better to be known as a bastard than as a weakling. That's why when Pupetmon got my bro I shouted at everyone who tried to be helpful. I shouted at Tai for `understanding` and I shouted at Sora for destroying my way of getting to him. Then he showed up and I realised that he was doing fine fending for himself and that I wasn't needed anymore. That destroyed my world to know that I was no longer needed, and so when Cherrymon told me that destroying Tai was my answer I was inclined to agree. If I had been on this world without Tai things would have been so different. I wouldn't of pretend to be a bastard I could have been myself and then I wouldn't of pushed Takeru away. If I could get rid of Tai I could tell everyone that I was sorry and then lead them into victory. It sounds really weird now that I think back through it. I suppose that damn tree was controlling my mind with something. Any way I fought Tai and just as victory was mine the digital world decided to pick that moment to tell us why we had been chosen. By the time we got back down to the digital world Cherrymon's influence had left me and I was feeling apologetic for fighting Tai.  
  
I guess that's why I went away from the group, to sort out all my emotions and then to stop myself from bottleling them. I didn't realise how much darkness I'd been carrying on my back until Gabumon helped me wash it out of my system. After that I was ready to bare my soul to the world, allow myself to feel again. The first thing the new me felt was an odd sense of being incomplete. Without Tai who was I proving anything to? His opinion of me mattered more than anyone else's. I didn't actually realise why that was till later, at the time I assumed that the tingling need I had for Tai was friendship. I guess I grew up a little that day.  
  
We went on to save both our world and the digital one from great evil. Then we went home. Mum moved closer to dad and me after that so Takeru and Me see lots more of each other. I joined a band called the Teenage Wolves and started high school. The time in the digiworld had done something to me though, I kept feeling that odd incomplete feeling and almost habitually I began to hide behind my mask again.  
  
*  
  
Tash: There you go one chapter done more to come. Flame if you wish but only about plotline. Suggestions for what to next would be welcome. I know that you won't review, I never do!!! So I won't threaten you about not writing more.  
  
Mat: I thought you said this would be Tito.  
  
Tash: (sigh) look I'll get some Tito goodness in next time.  
  
Tai: Promise (.  
  
Tash: Yes. But no lemon incase anyone's wondering  
  
Mat + Tai: Shame!!!  
  
* This isn't the exact wording I altered it because it's more correct than the original. 


	2. the emotions

1 The emotion  
  
Warning: this fic contains a boy+ boy relationship and much Sora bashing.  
  
Tash: Hey me again along with Tai and Mat who are * ahem* busy at the moment. Again with the disclaimer, I don't own Digi if I did Mat would have been naked in every five out of six episodes. I was going to wait a day to post this chapter but I got bored, I suspect that this will be a short chapter but the next will be long I promise. After a brief pause Tash kicks Yama on the shin. Yama disentangles himself from Tai and blushes.  
  
Mat: I wish to apologise in advance for any moments where Tash writes me out of character but she's owned my soul since last week and she likes me to have angst. As promised this chapter contains Tito goodness and many and varied comments about the stupidity of Sora's helmet.  
  
Tai: we wish to also apologise for all spelling and grammar mistakes but Tash has a hatred for the English language. No ages or writing of thoughts, flashbacks etcetera has changed since the last chapter.  
  
*  
  
I don't know when started falling in love with Tai but I'd liked him in a non-friend way since the first day of high school.  
  
~ At 8.00 sharp (A/n I don't know when they go to school in Japan so this is the time that I set off to catch my bus.) he appeared on my doorstep the green of the uniform emphasising the gentle brown tinge to his skin. I caught myself staring at how good he looked and quickly moved my eyes away from him.  
  
"Hey Yama." He said smiling gently. God he's got such a cute smile and beautiful chocolate eyes as well. ^Stop starring and say something!!!^  
  
"Hey." ^Yeh smooth^. I cursed my virulent inner voice as I closed my door behind me. As we walked to school Tai prattled on about how great high school was going to be while I battled raging hormones. Somehow some of Tai's banter entered into my private thoughts and I learned enough to know that Sora was going to be in our class. Great. Don't get me wrong, Sora's an absolutely lovely person in tiny amounts. If I'm near her for more than an hour I start to get sick of her `more motherly then thou` attitude. After two hours I get the overwhelming need to insult her helmet and after three I get the overwhelming urge to kill myself. And from what Tai was saying she was taking the same subjects as me, which meant almost seven hours (A/n again this is how long my day in sixth form is I suspect that Japanese school is much, much longer, poor Yama!) straight in her company. Just great. Tai stopped mid way through the litany and I realised that he had posed me a question.  
  
"Huh, what was that?" I asked as my inner voice snickered.  
  
"I asked if you think Sora's cute. God Yama you're a mile off." He quipped.  
  
"I know, just thinking."  
  
"Uh hu, who's it now then Yama?" He enquired. I blushed greatly as my inner voice said ^busted.^  
  
"N…no one." I said suddenly very flustered. Tai chuckled deeply and I felt my heart turn summersaults.  
  
"Yeh whatever Yama." He'd said as a smile flicked across his lips. #  
  
That had been a month ago. I spent the rest of that walk to school denying that I liked someone to Tai until I eventual admitted that I liked someone but refused to tell Tai who. Sora spent the day talking about how she'd helped her mother in the flower shop during the holidays and about how Mimi's hair was now pink. During lunch she helped Tai try and figure out who I liked much to my increasing embracement. I realised that how strong my feelings for Tai were about a week later. I was sat in art where the teacher was currently telling the class why the flowers on the slide projected behind him had been composed in a very clever way. I glanced beside me and was amused to see that Tai was trying not to fall asleep. I remember thinking how fragile he looked and that I wished to protect him from the dangers of the world. And then I realised that I loved him. It was a completely unbidden thought but once it was in my mind it wrote its self in white fire across my mind. My original lust for Tai was easy enough to deal with because all I had to do was battle away the hormones but love was harder to ignore, much harder. At lunch I sat quietly and picked at my food while Tai explained what he'd been doing in the holidays with vast hand gestures that fitted his hyperactive mood. He stopped very suddenly and tilted his head to one side as he examined my face. I felt his eyes on me and I felt a blush colour my cheek then I flicked my eyes upward. ^Big mistake ^ my inner voice said as I caught the worry in those deep chocolate eyes.  
  
"You ok Yama?" He asked simply.  
  
"I'm fine why?" I asked my voice just a little bit too cold. I caught the hurt in Tai's eyes and I quickly apologised. He smiled slightly and shook his hand as if to dismiss it from memory.  
  
"You've gone all spaced out again." He said simply.  
  
"I'm thinking."  
  
"Mystery girl again huh? Hey Sora who'd we decide it was?" He asked his eyes flicking to the girl next to him. Sora's brow creased for a moment as she tried to recall the decision they'd come to.  
  
"I don't think we ever agreed. You thought it could be Mimi but then I reminded you that she's going steady with Joe. I thought it might be that Jun girl who's always at Mat's concerts then you told me that Mat had already told you what he thought of Jun and that you weren't going to repeat it to me."  
  
"Oh yeh. I suppose he could always have the hots for you." Tai said simply. I literally had to fight back laughter as the image of Sora as a dutiful housewife entered my head. Sora seemed to have gone very quiet (A/n how unusual () and a blush was painting her cheeks. ^Uh oh, I think Sora likes you ^ my inner voice supplied. Great.  
  
"No it's not Sora." I supplied as I watched Sora's reaction. She looked at me for a moment then she looked to Tai. I was suddenly very aware of where her train of thought was going and so I grabbed her wrist and pulled her out into the hallway.  
  
"You like Tai don't you?" She said simply.  
  
"Likes not really the right word Sora."  
  
"You mean you're in love with him."  
  
"Yeh, but let me tell him in my own time, ok?" I enquired. She seemed deep in thought then nodded.  
  
"If I were you I'd have a proper talk with someone about these feelings. I'd offer but I don't think you trust me enough to be honest." She said gently. How very true my inner voice supplied.  
  
"Ok, I think I know the ideal person." I said simply. Sora nodded and followed me back into the dining room. Tai gave her a questioning glance and she smiled.  
  
"I found out who he likes but he's told me not to say."  
  
"But that's not fair, you'll be able to make fun of him and I won't" He said as he pouted. ^Maybe it's a good thing that he doesn't know if he's going to make fun^ my inner voice supplied. I allowed myself to think about what I would do if he rejected me then I shivered, Sora was right I really should talk to someone I trusted about how I felt for Tai.  
  
*  
  
Mat: Yet another chapter finished. Tash is currently in the clouds as she thinks about me in 02 so I'm left to inform you about the next chapter.  
  
Tai: Don't forget about me Yama-Chan.  
  
Mat: Ok my angel and me are here to tell you about the next chapter. Better?  
  
Tai: Much.  
  
Mat: the next chapter will actually be smaller than this one whatever Tash says, there's about two more chapters on their way, which will contain much Tito goodness.  
  
Tai: However Tash refuses to a lemon because even though her brain is worse than most of the lemon's here she wants to keep the naivety of the show.  
  
Mat: If you wish to add a lemon chapter feel free, Tai and I would be very appreciative.  
  
Tai: flames are now being used to burn Sora and Biomon so more would be welcome.  
  
Mat: however for the sake of me remaining alive and not married to Sora please send constructive reviews also. Tash is well aware that you won't review and thanks you for reading this far. Now if you'll excuse us, Tai and me have some unfinished business. 


	3. Of little brothers and best friends

Of little brothers and best friends.  
  
Tash: yep it's me again. Again this fic contains a boy + boy relationship and much Sora bashing. I don't own Digi, if I did Yama would never have cut his hair or become an astronaut at the end of 02, (shudder!).  
  
Mat: I'm filling in the huge plot gap that this chapter has regarding Emily who Tash does own. She's known Tai since he moved to Odiba therefore they're really good friends. Emy knows about the digiworld and has this really freaky habit of reading body language.  
  
Tai: As usual, all spelling and grammar mistakes are due to Tash's plot to destroy dictionaries around the world. P.o.v changes will be marked by a % then whose p.o.v it is so if it's my p.o.v it'd look like this % Tai. The end of a p.o.v will be marked by a $ at which point the story will revert back to Yama's p.o.v. Everything else remains unchanged.  
  
*  
  
@ Hey Takeru.  
  
Hey Mat.  
  
Can you come over?  
  
Why?  
  
I want to talk to you about something.  
  
Ok, I'll see you in a minuet. You ok?  
  
I'm fine Takeru.  
  
If you say so.  
  
I looked at the phone for a moment after Takeru hung up and smiled, the kid never missed a trick. Ever since we'd come back from the digital world Takeru had joined Tai in the annoying habit of being able to read me like a book. Placing the phone back on the hook I walked into the kitchen and fished out the kettle. Takeru turned up just as the water came to the boil, a smile plastered on his innocent face. He sat down on the sofa and wordlessly waited as I poured the water into the waiting teapot. A few minuets later I walked into the living room balancing two cups of tea. Takeru took one from me as I sat down and placed it gently onto his lap.  
  
"So what did you want to talk about?" He asked sweetly. I breathed deeply and decided to give him one piece of information at a time.  
  
"I'm gay." I said simply. I waited for him to react but he just took a sip of his tea. "Takeru your supposed to say something like `really that's nice` or `that's sick Matt`.  
  
"Sorry I wasn't sure if you wanted a response."  
  
"Well I do."  
  
"I think it's great that you can admit that sort of thing to me Mat. When did you realise?"  
  
"When I realised how cute a male friend of mine was."  
  
"Uh hu. So is that all you wanted to say?"  
  
"No I wanted your advise about something." I said suddenly very hesitant about telling Takeru about Tai. Takeru seemed to look at me for a moment then he placed his cup onto his lap again.  
  
"Look if you want me to help Mat your going to have to drop me more of hint about what ever the hell your going on about." He said smiling gently. I took another deep breath and tried to form the words I'm in love with Tai and I wanted to know if you could help me figure out how in hell I can tell him. ` but I chickened out and merely said.  
  
"I wanted to ask you if you could help me tell the guy I like that I like him." Takeru laughed gently and I felt a blush creep up onto my cheeks.  
  
"Mat you might as well drop the act, I know that you like Tai."  
  
"Really! Is it that obvious?"  
  
"Only to me, you've been staring at him an awful lot recently." Takeru said as I blushed again. ^You know that if Takeru noticed Tai would have and that means he knows ^ my inner voice supplied, I shook the thought away and realised that Takeru had said something.  
  
"Pardon?" I enquired. He smiled gently and shook his head.  
  
"I asked if you loved him." He said gently.  
  
"Do you want the truth?" I enquired. He nodded and I smiled. "Yes, I love him so much that I just want to tare all his clothes off and…"  
  
"Enough, I think I'm too young to know that." Takeru said blushing fiercely.  
  
"Sorry. So what do I do?"  
  
"I may have an idea about that." He said smiling.  
  
*  
  
%Tai  
  
I opened the door and smiled when Emily's jade green eyes met my chocolate ones.  
  
"Thanks for coming so quickly Emy." I said gently. She smiled and waltzed into the house.  
  
"No problem handsome." She said flashing me a flirtations wink. I smiled and closed the door. Emily always flirted with me when I was down because she knew that it cheered me up. "So what do you want?" She enquired as she slumped into my couch.  
  
"Just to talk."  
  
"Uh hu, I've known you since you were little Taichi and I know that you only make tea when you have something on your mind."  
  
"Have I told you that you're scary when you do that?"  
  
"Several times. So who's the lucky guy?" She enquired gently. I paused in the kitchen doorway and gave her a speculative look.  
  
"Your mouths open." She quipped gently. I closed my mouth slowly and reminded myself that telepathy was biologically impossible.  
  
"How'd you do that?" I enquired as I vanished into the kitchen.  
  
"Easy, I've known you were gay since last month when you took me clubbing. I remember that you spent the whole of that night staring at he barman's ass." She said the humour in her voice evident. I smiled as the memory came back to me.  
  
"Yeh, he had a really hot ass." I said as I walked back into the living room, a cup of tea in each hand.  
  
"I'm inclined to agree. Anyway back to your mystery guy, you've been wiggy for the past month so I was inclined to think that you've finally fallen in love." She said as she took a cup from my unresisting hand.  
  
"I never said I was in love."  
  
"Really, perhaps you'd care to prove me wrong then." She said smiling smugly. I was about to object again when beautiful cerulean orbs floated across my mind.  
  
"Can't." I admitted.  
  
"So then answer my first question, who's the lucky guy?"  
  
"You remember when you met my other friends?"  
  
"With uncomfortable accuracy."  
  
"You remember the one that you got into a fight with?"  
  
"The unnaturally attractive blond one?"  
  
"His names Yamato, or Mat." I quipped. Emily smiled and gave me an apologetic glance.  
  
"Sorry, so he's the guy huh?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Seemed kind of cold to me, all mouth and no heart."  
  
"He only acts like that some of the time." Tai said as simply. Emy gave her friend a speculative glance as she remembered how odd Mat had been that day.  
  
~ "Hey guys I'd all like you to meet a good friend of mine." Tai said as pushed Emily into the café. The assembled digi destined gave their leader a questioning glance then their eyes flicked to the tall girl.  
  
"This is Emily Kimono, we go way back." Tai said to the staring faces. "Emy this is Izzy (A/n I can't spell Izzy's proper name, please feel free to help me on that matter.), Joe, Mimi, Sora, Takeru, Yamato and my little sister Hikari who you already know." (A/n the younger digi destined are over Davis's apart from T.k and Kari because he forgot to invite them.) Tai said introducing the group in a clockwise direction.  
  
"It's nice to finally meet you." Emily said smiling while her eyes wondered to the one known as Yamato. ^He's cute in an odd way, seems to be sizing me up though^ she though quietly to herself. Tai slumped himself down by Hikari while Emy squeezed in next to Sora and Mimi. Soon the table was buzzing with conversation as the group discussed what had happened to everyone since their time in the digital world and about how Emily had discovered the existence of the place. Emy keep finding her gaze travelling to Mat who was watching her every move. She soon got very angry at the attention that the blond was paying her and decided to find out what his problem was. She stood up quietly and walked towards a section in the café where the others wouldn't hear her talking to him. As she walked by Mat she grabbed him by the wrist and pulled him after her. Once they were away from the others she fixed his beautiful cerulean blue eyes with her own jade green ones.  
  
"What sort of a problem do you have with me?" She asked simply.  
  
"What gave you the impression that I had a problem with you?" The man asked his tone cold.  
  
"The way that you've been staring daggers at me since I walked through the door."  
  
"Maybe I just don't like you." The blond said simply.  
  
"Or maybe I've trodden on your toes."  
  
"What do you mean by that?"  
  
"Maybe me showing up has done something to affect the plans that are floating around in your head."  
  
"I think I like my idea better." The man said his fists tightening slightly.  
  
"I think you like that idea because you're looking for a fight. I think you've got a little crush on Taichi and that you think he likes me."  
  
"TAKE THAT BACK!" the man shouted as his hands flew to Emily's shirt collar. Emily became aware of the hurt look in the man's eyes and realised that he was acting as if she'd discovered something that he wanted hidden.  
  
"Yama put Emily down." Tai said as he came to his friends rescue. Emily watched as the man dropped her and looked at Tai with faint embarrassment painting his cheeks. #  
  
"The way he was with me that day Tai I could have sworn that he was acting like some jealous lover. You know he only reacted badly when I suggested that very thing to him."  
  
"So do you think he likes me?" Tai asked suddenly very hopeful.  
  
"I'd have to see how he reacts around you now to be sure."  
  
"He's got a concert tomorrow, how about you come to it with me."  
  
"Perfect." Emily said smiling gently.  
  
*  
  
Mat: I'd like to point out that however jealous I got I would never really hurt a woman and that its only their to fit into Tash's plot.  
  
Tash: So why'd you hit me yesterday when Tai said that I had a nice ass?  
  
Mat *blushes * That was a mistake.  
  
Tash: Whatever you say Yama. I suspect that this fic will be completed before it even appears on fanfiction.net if that's so I'll write a sequel or something. Review, but I don't blame you if you don't, flames are now being used to barbecue CITV for stopping the repeats of 01 just before the pupetmon episode, how I hate them for that!!! Anyway the next chapter will be called something like the concert and will contain (hopefully) a cliffhanger.  
  
Mat: As always feel free to write a lemon chapter for this fic and remember that if any review point out that this would be better off as a Sorato Tash will track you down and kill you. 


	4. The concert

The concert.  
  
Tash: sob, thank you to everyone who has reviewed (it's taken me this long to realise how to read reviews). After re-reading my fic on ff.net I have discovered that none of my clever italic or bold bits worked so I'm in the process of re-doing the first three chaps again.  
  
Mat: get on with it will you.  
  
Tash: Fine. I don't own digi, if I did I'd strand Tai and Mat, Ken and Davis and T.k and Kari on an island and watch what happened (Sigh). However I do own Emy, (who is in no shape or form my way of sneaking myself into this fic. Emy is dark I'm blond (Mat: explains sooo much)) and the song that will be cropping up later, steal if you must but at least give me cred for the words!  
  
Mat: As usual spelling and grammar mistakes are due to a vile loathing for the English language. Apologies for writing out of character or copious amounts of swearing are extended in your direction. Flames are being utilised in a cunning plan to destroy the world and so will be highly welcome. Thoughts are now listed by a ^ then the thought then another ^ phone convos will use an @ before they start. { indicates a song.  
  
*  
  
"Write him a song." Takeru said simply.  
  
"What?" I enquired, totally unaware of where T's (I'm tired of writing Takeru every single time T is Takeru abbreviated!) train of thought was heading.  
  
"Look you have a concert tonight right?"  
  
"Right."  
  
"So write a song for Tai, get the guys to learn it then play it tonight. If Tai returns your feelings he'll understand that the song is for him, if not you haven't lost anything."  
  
"When did you get so smart?"  
  
"Right after I hit puberty." T replied smiling gently.  
  
"There's only one problem."  
  
"Which is?"  
  
"It takes a month of the group to learn new material, how will they manage it in a day?"  
  
"Bribe them."  
  
"How?"  
  
"I know for a fact that your keyboard player has a thing for Yolie and that your drummer has a few interesting habits that he would rather keep secret." T said as he turned his mouth up into an evil smile. I starred at him for a moment then closed my mouth gently.  
  
"When did you become so evil?" I asked. He smiled and gave me a playful wink.  
  
"Don't know, must run in the family." He said as he barely contained his laughter.  
  
"I'll ignore that remark. Well if you don't mind I have some composing to do."  
  
"I'll see you tonight Mat." T said as he vanished out of the door. ^A song for Tai huh? That's a tough one^ my inner voice provided. I found myself agreeing with that remark and I realised that this was going to take a really long time (A/n how very true, this god damn song has kept me up for the past three days as I searched blindly for lyrics.)  
  
%Tai.  
  
After seeing me try on about twelve different outfits Emy decided my blue tracksuit (A/n The one in the dreaded cookies ep (shudder)) was casual yet attractive.  
  
"If he doesn't fancy you now the boy's either blind or as straight as a ruler."  
  
"I'm not so sure about this any more Emy." I said as my throat became as dry as the Sahara desert.  
  
"Chickening out are we Taichi?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Not if you want to live till 20 your not. Look you're a `friend` going to a `friends` concert to support that said `friend`." Emy said her hands making vast air quotes every time the word friend was mentioned. I gave her my last line of pleading, the famous Kamiya puppy dog eyes. She visibly wavered for a moment then bit her bottom lip. "Oh no you don't, your going and that's that. Besides the others are waiting for us." She said smiling gently. Sighing I admitted defeat and allowed myself to be dragged out of the house (A/n or flat or condominium or whatever the hell Tai lives in) down the stairs (A/n lift was out of order) and towards the hall where Mat's concert was being held. (A/n After the whole said cookie ep Mat learned never to do a concert in a tent again!)  
  
%Yama.  
  
The tension's always the worst thing before you start a concert. The knowledge that in the briefest of seconds your either going to make a complete ass of your self or that you've just assured that another album goes platinum. I became a musician because of the rush I got when people complimented me for my music but I kept being a musician for a totally different reason. The way I see it is that the audience are there for the music and to stair at you body, hair, eyes or whatever the hell they find attractive, they couldn't give a shit what you think or feel or do. That's what being a musician is for me, a way to escape from people wanting to see inside you, a way for me to be cool and collective Yamato Ishida. God that's one thought that is guaranteed to darken event he brightest of days. My eyes flicked up word as the stage manager entered the dressing room.  
  
"Five minuets left guys." He said before vanishing again. I tapped my pocket to make sure that Monica (A/n his harmonica, very private joke between me an my pal Gem but logical if you think about it!) was in my pocket then I turned so that I could see the other three members of the band.  
  
"You guys remember all the notes to the song we rehearsed today?" I enquired. Three heads nodded emphatically and I had to fight back a smile, T's plan had worked a treat in getting the bands ass in gear and had also given me all new superiority over the group. Four minuets later I grabbed my guitar, checked that the strings were still in tune then with mounting anticipation walked out of the dressing room, up the stairs and out onto the stage.  
  
%Tai.  
  
God I forgot how good his voice was, the voice of an angel. He just looked in our direction ^don't see Emy, don't see Emy. ^ was the silent prayer that was flickering through my mind.  
  
%Yama  
  
As the music flows from my soul I scan the front row for Tai's familiar face (A/n Yama supplied the tickets.) Ah I just saw T with his tong half way down Hikari's throat. ^You go T^ my inner voice screamed in a typically American blond way. Hikari and Tai are usually close together so if I keep looking in that direction. Wait a second I recognise that dark, mysterious, green eyed girl sat next to Hikari. Damn. Emily Kimono. I'd met her on Tai's 18th and I had instantly hated her for a number of highly logical reasons. 1.She was beautiful in a sultry temptress kind of a way. 2. She seemed to share with Tai the kind of relationship that I dreamed about. 3. Jealousy 4. She had the unnerving ability of being able to read everyone like an open book. 5. Jealousy 6. She'd seen Tai naked (A/n Emy told Mim and Sora this during a girl chat and Sora (who was meadaling) told Mat) 7. Jealousy 8.she was actually smarter than a chicken 9. Jealousy 10. She refused to hate me. As my eyes met her Jade green ones she smiled and cocked to head to one side her eyes now reading my very soul. Jaded but not abashed I allowed my eyes to move to Emy's left. Sure enough there was Tai, looking lost, alone. ^Hot. ^ I felt the blush on my cheek and quickly moved my eyes to where June was waving pompoms in the air. ^Beautiful distraction June. ^ As the song came to a close I removed my guitar from around my shoulder and placed it gently to the floor. As I rose back up to meet the mike I grabbed Monica from my pocket, her gentle weight somehow comforting  
  
"This next song is one I wrote today for a very special someone." I said as T disentangled himself from Hikari and gave me big thumbs up. Sighing I looked to Yakato (keyboard dude.) and he started up a gentle back melody.  
  
{"The many emotions behind this mask I wear,  
  
Flow like raindrops when you're standing near me.  
  
Empty truths and stolen lies,  
  
Crumble to nothing in the heat of your eyes.  
  
Love seemed so simple before you found me, seemed like empty promises in the rain,  
  
Seemed to me to be no more substantial than sand in the wind.  
  
But you showed me that friendship needs courage. (A/n clever non?)  
  
You showed me that love has strength.  
  
Without you I am no more than this mask.  
  
Without you my life holds no vitality.  
  
You are my courage, my strength and my love.} I allowed the words to echo around the room as I put Monica to my lips and played. The music represented Tai, at first flighty breathy then solid. I played gently to represent his fraternal instinct then I played strongly to represent his courage. Finally Yakato, Ruki (drums) and Yuri (guitar (acoustic not electric)) played the tune that represented me. Harsh and cold to represent the front I put on, soft and sultry to represent my fraternal instinct. Then almost seamlessly Yakato took up Tai's tune the piano making it bind gently to my tune while still retain its own unique style. As the final bar of the music floated around me I sang the chorus again as I fought the urge to see how Tai was reacting.  
  
{ Without you I am no more than this mask.  
  
Without you life holds no Vitality.  
  
You are my Courage, my strength and my love.} As the words died so did the tune. For a moment the empty silence of the vortex, then a wave of applause that pushed away the silence and filled the hall with sound. I felt my eyes stray to where Tai was sitting, hope rising in my stomach. My eyes connected with his, searching, longing, for a flash of any emotion. Then I was aware of arms around my waist, arms that pulled me down for a kiss. For a moment Tai was livid in my mind, his breath, his soft supple skin then I awoke. I pushed forcibly away from the kiss and looked Jun in the eyes. She seemed inquisitive for a moment then she seemed to understand.  
  
"That song wasn't for me was it" stated simply.  
  
"No, it wasn't." I said as gently as possible.  
  
"I understand." She said smiling sadly. I watched her hop from the stage and join her friends. Then my eyes were drawn back to Tai. Or at least to the empty seat that had held Tai. I jumped from the stage without a second thought and ran through the crowd as quickly as my feet could carry me. Emy was in the entrance foyer, a livid red slap mark imprinted on the side of her face. She gave me another penetrating stair then her brow furrowed.  
  
"Where's…Tai?" I enquired as I tried to encourage air into my lungs.  
  
"Gone." Was her only reply.  
  
"I know that you bitch, now tell me where in the hell Tai is." I said my tone unusually cold.  
  
"Since you asked in such a nice way I'll tell you the truth, he wouldn't tell me. All I know is that he's skipping the country."  
  
"Why?" Was the only question my mind could give as it shut it's self down.  
  
"Because he thought that you loved June. I know as well as you do that the song was for him but he wouldn't listen to me when I told him that. He said that it was my fault for dragging him here and that I could go fuck my intuition." She said gesturing to the red mark on her face.  
  
"Tai…" Was all I could muster before I broke down into tears.  
  
*  
  
Tash: Wow! I actually managed a cliffhanger.  
  
Mat: How dare you leave it there! * shudders * you should have put a Junto warning on this chapter.  
  
Tai: I'm curious as to why I seem to be getting less and less time in the story as it goes on.  
  
Mat: That's just Tash's residual hatred of you slipping in.  
  
Tai: Tash hated me * sob *  
  
Tash: Now look what you've done Yama. I didn't exactly hate you Tai I just hated the fact that T.k crotched you while Yama was away and that you beet Yama up.  
  
Tai: Look I didn't want the squealer, he came out from nowhere. As for beating up Yama, if I hadn't of beet on him he'd have no angst.  
  
Tash: And that is the very reason that I don't hate you anymore. Sorry guys for keeping you here so long but my imagination is having fun with the sugar high that I'm on. * sigh * I should really stay away from macaroons. …Anyway, review and I may lend you Yama's soul. Flames as stated are being utilised in my plot to take over the world (don't ask) . Next chapter really soon I promise ( 


	5. Of mutual enemies, percistence and blue ...

Of mutual enemies, persistence and blue pinies.  
  
Tash: Sorry this took so long to post but I've been without the internet for a week! This is the last part of this fic so thank you to everyone who has skimmed into this fic and thought must keep reading, when is the next chapter out? (As I tend to do!). The letter is indicated by a [. I don't own digi, if I did I would have created it in 3d so that you actually believed you were in the digi world and made it interactive so that you could meddle (Oh the possibilities!!).  
  
Mat: Can you just skip your odd fantasy world and go straight to the fic?  
  
Tash: No, you have to do your bit first.  
  
Mat: * sigh * Tash has told me to apologise for any surreal occurrences in this fic but someone let her eat macaroons again. Spelling or grammar errors are due to English not being the same as it was when Tash was pre pubescent. Character errors are due to Tash's bizarre fascination with angst and the fact that I am her muse. * Blows kisses to reviewers * I love you all.  
  
Tash: yes thank you Yama. Honestly getting their hopes up for nothing.  
  
Mat: * blushes * sorry girls.  
  
Tash Ahem.  
  
Mat: And guys…. On with the fic?  
  
Tash: Indeed.  
  
*  
  
I walked gently to the door my mind already preparing me for who I was going to see behind. Sure enough there was Emy, with a soft smile on her face.  
  
"How'd you find me?" I asked simply.  
  
"I asked T. Mat we need to talk about last month."  
  
"It's over Emy, I busted my one chance at happiness. Now if you don't mind I have some wallowing to do."  
  
"You may still have a chance." She said as she walked into my apartment.  
  
"What do you mean?" I asked as I closed the door gently.  
  
"Tai wrote me."  
  
"Does he mention where he's at?" I asked hope entering my voice.  
  
"Yes, but before I show you the letter I need to know something."  
  
"What?"  
  
"How much do you care for Tai?"  
  
"Why in the hell would you care?" I enquired my tone suddenly harsh. I saw her visibly back away and I knew that I had hurt her.  
  
"Because he's my friend, because without him I'd be all alone in this topsy turvy world. He's about the closest thing that I have to a brother." She replied gently.  
  
"Because you care for him don't you." I said simply. A blush tainted her cheek then she shook her head.  
  
"I did once, when I first met him but he always seemed to be waiting for something, someone else. I was always curious to see who he ended up loving and now I know. He loves you Mat. Beautiful, cold and perfect Yamato Ishida. I can see why you know, under all that pain and anger you really do care what others think about you." She said simply. I felt a blush rise up my face at the compliment then my mouth found a voice again.  
  
"I love him."  
  
"Then read this." She said as she handed me a folded piece of white paper. As I unfolded it the gentle curl of Taichi's hand writing  
  
[ Emy.  
  
Hey I'm sorry I got bitchy at his concert. I'm also sorry for bitch slapping you. Hey I just realised that I referred to myself as a bitch twice, I swear all the camp men that live here are getting to me. Hey so I guess your wondering where I am or why the hell I'm bothering to write. I'm writing to ask how Hikari is. I hope she and Takeru are still stuck together and that she's happy. I've enclosed a note for her with this letter for you. How's Yama? Damn and I swore to myself that I wasn't going to mention him. And before you send me back a letter saying that confronting a problem is the best way to make it vanish, I am confronting my problem. I swear that I am. I now no longer wake up with the un-deniable urge to kill Jun or screaming Yama's name (Took sooo much explaining when my land-lady heard me last week.). As you can see I'm still plain old Tai, hurt yes but not afraid to carry on. I've enclosed a photo of myself with my landlady and my boss at the restaurant I work at. Please note that the hideous blue piny is my uniform and not some crazy fetish that I picked up from the trannies down the road. Oh I almost forgot to say where I was. Beautiful rainy old England. Write back soon, my address is  
  
Kings cross st.  
  
Yarmouth  
  
England  
  
JW121DS (A/n this isn't a real address but stay with me K?)  
  
Tai.] Wordlessly Emy handed me the photo that Tai discussed which showed two young women posing next to Tai. I allowed my eyes to memorise every detail of his face before I handed the photo back towards Emy. She shook her head and smiled.  
  
"You keep it. I've got enough good ones of him already." She said gently.  
  
"Thanks Emy, for everything." I said gently. She winked playfully and her eyes sparkled lightly.  
  
"No problem, give Tai an extra wet sloppy kiss for me." She said as she vanished down the stairs.  
  
% Tai.  
  
I wonder if Emy got my letter yet, god I feel so guilty about leaving her at Yamato's concert. I'm almost completely sure that she was right anyway. I mean that song didn't sound like something Yama would write for June. Uh oh my boss is starting to look at me in a funny way. Must concentrate on my job. I swear if one more person orders tea today I'll scream, I wonder if everyone in Britain drinks tea? It certainly seems that way some days.  
  
"Taichi can I have a word for a moment?" My boss asks gently. I nod and follow her behind the counter.  
  
"One of the customers is asking after you and I was wondering if he was a friend." She said simply.  
  
"Which one?" I asked as I began to scan the faces at each table. I watched her finger point to the corner where a blond figure was slumped. I blinked then realised that I was staring.  
  
"Did he have blue eyes and a pail completion?" I asked my boss as I tried to move my eyes away from the back of the customer's head.  
  
"That's him alright. So he is a friend."  
  
"Yeh." I replied as my heart turned flip-flops.  
  
"Go say hi then, your shifts almost over any way." My boss said as she vanished back into her office. Taking in a breath of air I quickly removed the mandatory blue piny and walked over to the table. He turned as I reached the table and I had to fight down the disappointment.  
  
"Hey T." I said gently. (A/n, hah! Got you.)  
  
"Hey Tai, guess you thought I was Mat hu." He said as he waved me into the chair opposite him.  
  
"Yeh. Not that it isn't great to see you T, I just wish Yama had come as well." I said well aware that Hikari had probably already told T that I liked his big bro.  
  
"He did come. He Emy and Hikari went off on a shopping spree while I was left here to make sure you didn't vanish on us." T said smiling.  
  
"Everyone's here… why though?"  
  
"Well Emy was going to come on her own but Mat convinced her to bring him, then Hikari said that it wasn't fair that Emy was going to see you two reunited and she wasn't. Eventually Emy told us all to come so as to save argument. They should be here in a few minuets, till then how about you fill me in on the lights of England." T said simply. I smiled and began to tell him about the odd British fascination with the weather. Emy showed up a few moments later tagging Hikari behind her. After a round of hellos, a teary apology on my part and a humoured dismissal on Emy's the talk of their exploits in the town began. After an hour Hikari and T vanished in the direction of a hotel with a gentle good night to Emy and me. After they were gone Emy told me about what had happened since I had vanished and about how her and Yama had become mutual Enemies. Then the café door opened and Yama walked in. He had lost weight since I had seen him last, his once beautiful shape now stick thin. Emy smiled and waved him over. He looked to me and hesitated. Annoyed at the anticipation that he was building in my stomach I walked over to him and took his head into my hands. I stood like that for what seemed like an eternity, gazing into the unfathomable depths of those beautiful cerulean blue orbs. Then I was aware of his lips on mine the gentle pressure sending tingles down my spine. As soon as it had started it was over and Yama seemed to be assessing my reaction.  
  
"I'm sorry for pushing you away Tai. I love you." He said simply. I smiled and took his hand.  
  
"I forgive you Yama-Chan. I love you too." I said simply. He smiled and took me into a more passionate kiss. When we came up for air Yama suggested that we sat down for a while. After a cup of warm tea Yama began to talk to Emy and me about his shopping trip. I was aware of how contented I felt, sat there in the restaurant with two of the most important people in my life discussing the simplicity of tourism and I knew that whatever happened in the future Emy and Yama would always be there to help me pick up what was left of my life and carry on as if nothing had ever happened.  
  
*  
  
Tash: There you go it's all over.  
  
Mat: I'm glad you managed to give it a happy ending and that for once I wasn't the one turning into a gay stereotype.  
  
Tash: That's only because I respect you too much. Review if you want to, not reviewing won't stop me writing so ha! To all those who think that it will. 


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